


Poison and Wine

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Conflicted Poe Dameron, Emotionally Compromised, Explicit Sexual Content, Heavy Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Past Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Survivor Guilt, The Rise of Kylo Ren Compliant To An Extent, Trials, Unhappy Ending, in flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23193694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe is put on trial post-Crait, and a past relationship with Ben Solo comes to light.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Poison and Wine

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Standing Trial
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Let’s say the title comes from “Poison and Wine” by the Civil Wars. I thought it would be perfect for Darkpilot.

The trial of Poe Dameron was going badly as it was. Even dredging up the very memory of Paige Tico’s death was painful, and even thinking of her ship going up in flames, knowing that even though she’d made a choice it was technically his fault...he hated himself for it. He’d earned that slap from Leia, he thought, that scathing indictment from Holdo. He was impulsive, reckless — a kind heart that could also go horribly wrong. D’Acy wasn’t wrong, in laying it out. Not to mention going against Holdo. He’d had good intentions — but that didn’t mean anything, did it?   
  
D’Acy continued. “And of course it comes down to another reason Poe Dameron can’t lead us,” D’Acy said. “He’s too close to the case. Too close to Kylo Ren.”  
  
Poe wanted to argue — but he couldn’t picture simply shooting Kylo (long ago, his lover) in the head.   
  
“What do you mean?” Rose said — she was one of the people with him, to back him up in the trial. “Poe, she’s trying to slander you, isn’t she?”  
  
Poe shook his head. “We were friends once. Childhood friends.” He could remember a boy with a shock of black hair who thought the galaxy of Poe, and a young man, who looked at Poe like Poe was a radiant comet.   
  
“And...?” Rose said, softly. So much compassion in her voice. Poe felt all but unworthy of it.   
  
He took a deep breath. “More than that.”  
  
And he remembered too well, too pungently, their first time. When Ben was nineteen, and Poe twenty-two, and Poe visited the Academy on days where being apart from Ben was nigh unbearable.   
  
***  
  
 _It was in the midst of their kisses, kisses like they were trying to actively meld with the other so they were never parted, that Ben broke them. “Take your uniform off,” he said. “You don’t need it. And I want to see you.”  
  
Poe swore that his flight uniform was designed by a son of a schutta, but he obliged anyway. Stripped it away, and though he was initially nervous, the look of amazement on Ben’s face, like he’d seen an angel, was more than worth it.   
  
“You’re so beautiful,” Ben said. “My Poe.”  
  
Poe had to agree, when Ben was undressed and he saw Ben’s strong, muscled body, powerfully built and yet so protective (his hands could hold a lightsaber and caress Poe like he feared Poe would break, all at once), and he said, “Where do we even start?”  
  
“Lie down,” Ben whispered. “I want to worship you.”  
  
Poe did, and even feeling Ben’s lips and fingers against his skin, loving even the parts Poe was nervous about, Poe swore that his skin was burning in desperation. Poe could swear that Ben would wring these noises from him, again and again, while Ben swore he’d bleed the galaxy dry for him, only him.   
  
“Only you, my little bird,” Ben murmured. “Only you.”  
  
_  
***  
  
There were people murmuring in the court. Just at the idea, really.   
  
Kaydel was the one who spoke up. “I don’t see a traitor standing here!” she said. “And his...relationship with Kylo Ren, or whoever the kriff he was, shouldn’t matter; this isn’t a gossip rag!”  
  
“It isn’t,” D’Acy said. “But even putting that aside, Commander Dameron has caused terrible damage. And if he was put in charge of a mission to take this monster down,” and even after what Kylo Ren had done to him and others, Poe felt a sick pit in his stomach at the idea of Kylo just being a monster, “He would only destroy us all. And when it came to Kylo Ren...he wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger.”  
  
Poe swallowed. In the end, he supposed that D’Acy was right. After all, Ben...he hated Kylo Ren. But Ben he loved, and always would.   
  
***  
  
The verdict was clear. Poe Dameron was guilty. He hadn’t intentionally murdered Paige Tico and the rest of that bombing squad, or anyone else, but he had good as killed them. Add in the fact that he had known Ben Solo, and Poe was deemed too close to the mission to be of any use.   
  
Rose and Leia were going to lead the Resistance instead of Poe. Poe supposed it was fair. And yet it hurt. It felt like he had been stabbed in the gut, and he didn’t know what to do next.   
  
***  
  
It was the moment that the trial ended that Poe shrugged off Finn and Kaydel trying to comfort him, shrugged off Rey’s shocked expression, and walked away to his room, feeling more than anything defeated. He had lost, he had failed. And for what? Just because he had good intentions didn’t mean a damn thing. He’d still ultimately blown it. Failed Leia. Failed Paige. Failed Holdo. How kriffed up was it that the list of people he’d failed happened to all be women?   
  
Maybe it was the wrong detail to zero in on, he thought even as he sat, practically slumped, on his bed, buried his face in his hands. He couldn’t do his usual thing of swiping things off a table in anger or kicking something, or anything like that...  
  
He was just too exhausted to throw a tantrum.   
  
He’d failed. And for what, really? Not only did he fail these women, but he failed Ben...  
  
Ben. Who had so much faith in him, so much adoration, like he saw Poe as beautiful even though he was doing shady things. He could remember Ben’s last communique, while he was en route to...somewhere. Ben hadn’t said where. Maybe he didn’t want Poe to know where he was going — or where he’d been.   
  
_I may have been the Jedi,_ the last lines of the letter said, _But you were always a better man than me. The skies are getting dark, my wayward bird, and war’s coming. But we cradle each other’s lives. Never doubt that you’re a hero. You are a brilliant shining star, and I am not about to let that light fade. You are the only Light that’s had an impact on me. The only one I want to._  
  
It was signed, _Forever your Jedi, Ben._  
  
But it wasn’t forever. Ben had promised forever. He’d broken that promise. How — how could he have broken that promise —  
  
Poe got up, headed towards the repaired box that held Ben’s calligraphy set. Luke had apparently rescued it from the hut, before he just kriffed off somewhere. He could stay there a while, treasure the memories of a Jedi named Ben — and hope that either he or Rey could find a way to bring Ben home.


End file.
